I have a dilema… it’s my own fault, because I haven’t been completely honest with you. To be blunt, I’ve been “lying by omission.” I have no idea if you’ve noticed that I have not been on a date since October. My goal for creating this site was to give me accountability… to get out of my comfort zone and push through bad dates because I had “you” to answer to. You haven’t gotten on my case, which is fine. It’s not your responsibility. But, I’ve been using it as a cop-out. I figured if you didn’t notice, I could disappear back into my comfort zone (which is definitely where I’ve been for the last 4 months).
I got some amazing coaching from Joanna Garzilli (I’m in her Big Miracle Breakthrough Program). I shared my desire to find a serious relationship, and that I’d broken a commitment to myself (and you, though I didn’t mention my commitment to you) about going on dates. She asked me a series of questions, and then gave me an assignment to make a list of all of the men who have lied to me/changed into someone they weren’t when we first met. She also asked me to make a list of the lies I tell myself about dating/relationships. I came up with quite a few “beliefs/lies” about dating/relationships/men…
I also realized I’ve been “lying by omission” to you and to myself. Out of the 13 people I dated, I had 3 REALLY BAD EXPERIENCES! Bad enough to make me satisfied with remaining single for the rest of my life (Okay, that’s another lie… but it feels true sometimes).
I lied by omission for two reasons:
1. To protect the guys. Even though they are anonymous to you, some of them read the blog and I wanted to be kind. My motto has been, “I only focus on the positive.”
2. BIG LIE: I’m not really doing it to protect them, I’m doing it because if I go off on some of the crazy Sh*T these guys do and say, other guys will be afraid to ask me out for fear I will rip them apart.
So, now it’s time for me to get back to it. And my question is… “To tell or not to tell?”
Do I share full disclosure, the good, the bad, and the quite possibly insane? Or do I keep the blog an “entertainment piece” and what happens on my dates is for me to use on my blog at my comedic expense, but not at the expense of the guys’ feelings?
As my loyal reader, which do you think serves the bigger purpose?
Screw the guys. If they can’t act like gentlemen they deserve to be called out and ripped apart.
All in all though, you should only do what you think is best for you.
As for your commitment to “us” I don’t think you owe me or the rest of your readers a thing. I read this for entertainment, to get to know you a little and to think a wee bit.
Sounds like the work with Ms. Garzilli was beneficial. I hope it make things easier in the future for you. Bottom line; don’t take any shit off anyone.
I really agree with Ray here. Couldn’t say it better.
== The Geek ==
P.S. After having said that, when I read dating profiles, I have to tell you some people that complain about “crazy” I being to realize it’s because THEY are crazy. So, although I’ll grant guys are pretty bad, anything you post may reveal something about yourself too. I think what you are doing is pretty brave, and to me at least, it’s helpful.
I’ve had my own share of bad dates from ladies too. Will send you separate email about that. Heck, I’d be willing to provide material for a guest blog 🙂
P.P.S. Get back out there …
Tell it like it is, sister! 😉 That is entertaining, too, you know……and gives you the honest card to play.
To answer your question I have a question – do the guys you go out on dates with know about your blog and intention to write about the date upfront? If so I see no problem with sharing (personal details excluded of course).
Jessica, my concern all along with this little experiment has been for your safety. With that said you may wish to be discreet.
I like the honest approach but I hear what Heidi is saying. They may not want to go out with you if they do know….
On a completely side note – could you be jinxing your success with this goal to have 50 first dates? instead of the one perfect date with the one perfect guy?
I think you need to take it on a case by case basis and only share what you feel comfortable with. You may feel one way one day and differently another day. You don’t want to act in any particular way because you feel you have an obligation to your “audience.” Live life with integrity and be true to what resonates with you. That includes what you do and don’t share.
Share what you feel is appropriate. You are the best judge for what is right for your blog.
Jessica,
Yes, we are here for you and if you asked us to help you out I am
certain each of us would do so. Maybe I am going to blow this up
by writing this here or maybe only a few people will read this comment.
No one knows, if you really are going on a date and writing about it other
than you. Unlike a reality show ( is that even real? ) , you are writing a
blog which states this is what you are doing. Of course I know you, so you
are, however, no one would know if you were to get creative and add or subtract
some items or combined some of the personalities would they? I say have some fun, let the audience know these are real dates and you decide what you write
if it has to be what really took place or not.
While it’s easy for us to read your posts laugh, and tell you to share everything, be honest, and screw the guys, ultimately what you share has to feel good to you. Our entertainment is a byproduct 🙂
I think you keep it honest. Did you tell the guys you were uncomfortable with their behavior? (I hope you did). If so, it won’t be a surprise when you blog about it. If not, be clear in the future — CRYSTAL clear. Also, by telling and being real you’ll only “scare” the men who are not ready for you. AND you’re setting clear boundaries and intentions to let God, the Universe, the Powers that be, your friends (mine are my “steering committee” and we should create a reality show about that 😉 ) and men who are ready to meet you where you are — exactly what you want and won’t tolerate. Cannot wait to see what happens.
Lisa